I know this sounds crazy, but do you love your dissertation? You probably have plenty of reasons to hate it. In fact, hating a dissertation sounds more reasonable than loving it. Let’s try a little thought experiment. Name five reasons why you hate your dissertation. Think about it and write those reasons down. Did you have trouble coming up with your five? I’m willing to bet that you probably didn’t. I imagine that you likely came up with reasons similar to the following: 1) I have writer’s block, 2) It’s keeping me from graduating and moving forward in life, 3) I don’t like my topic, 4) I spend all of my time on it, and 5) I can’t find sources or my research isn’t working.
How does your list compare? You probably had a few items similar to mine. Furthermore, each of us have personal reasons as to why we hate our dissertation. Looking back over my experience, I didn’t need to spend much time on my list. In about 30 seconds, I had my five reasons. I only had to think back on the frustration my dissertation provoked before a flood of anxiety inducing feelings came back to me.
Now think of five reasons why you love your dissertation. Were you able to come up with five? It’s a little harder right? It takes a little longer to find reasons to love your dissertation (assuming that you found any at all).
It’s easy to think of the things that you hate about your dissertation. Given enough time, those negative things can easily form the narrative that you tell about yourself. Thus, the dissertation becomes a barrier to your own happiness. Consequently, your narrative becomes one of anxiety and guilt. The dissertation acts as the focal point of all of your ills and misfortunes. For example, there’s the constant nagging guilt of knowing that you should be writing (most poignant when you’re having fun). Then there’s the dread of the work you still have left to do (edits and re-writes, research, and forthcoming chapters). Finally (not really, but you get the point), a hatred of the barrier your dissertation represents. Literally, it’s the only thing between you and graduation. It’s easy for that barrier to become a sharp divide between depression and happiness.
It deeply worries me that it’s so easy to redirect those negative feelings about your dissertation to yourself. Dread, anxiety, guilt, and even anger have powerful implications for our overall health. No one can adequately handle writing two or more years on something that provokes such negative feelings. Those feelings are inevitable going to come back to you!
It’s natural for those feelings to affect you. Your dissertation is an extension of yourself. It represents your work and knowledge as a scholar. This work is a key capstone of your academic career. As a result, negative feelings toward something so deeply personal will undoubtedly influence the narrative you tell yourself. I can vividly remember the things I used to tell myself when my writing was slow or non-existent. Thoughts such as: “You’re not good enough” and “You’re not smart enough” regularly worked their way into my brain. Unsurprisingly, it became a self-fulling prophecy. I told myself I wasn’t good enough and (surprise!) my writing slowed or stopped altogether.
We’re generally expected to hate our dissertation, but hardly ever are we expected to love it. And it’s that expectation, that narrative, which becomes so detrimental to our own progress. How can you finish something that you hate? I don’t know about you, but I usually avoid things that I dislike or hate. It’s crazy to expect yourself to complete something that brings you anxiety, stress, and even depression. I believe it’s time to change the narrative! It’s time to change your narrative about your dissertation and (by extension) yourself.
It’s crazy to hate your dissertation. Consequently, it makes far more sense to love it. A change in attitude can make a remarkable difference in your own personal and scholarly outlook. This means that you need to tell yourself: “I love my dissertation.” Not “like” or “it’s okay.” No, say it to yourself, “I love my dissertation.” Say it out loud. Really, I mean it. Give it a try. Now, say it louder.
Did anyone look at you funny? I promise it’s okay. There’s no need to be embarrassed.
Seriously, love your ideas and your work. Believe in the work that you’re doing. Embrace your thoughts and theories. Every dissertation is unique and special. It represents years of hard work, dedication, and a creative scholarly spirit. Remember that only you could do the work that you’re doing now. Your dissertation is important (you must always believe this).
Before you write, tell yourself that, “I love my dissertation.” Make this a daily part of your writing ritual. Remind yourself that it’s important to have a positive outlook about your dissertation. Negative feelings and attitudes will come (it’s impossible to block them). However, you can choose your response to them. Counter those feelings instead of accepting them. We are the stories that we tell. Therefore, change your narrative, choose to love your work, and start to enjoy writing!
Loving your work is the key to finishing!